Как развивать эмоциональный интеллект?

Assessing your Emotional Intelligence as a Leader

A leader with poor emotional intelligence skills will likely make themselves miserable, and the rest of the team – research has suggested that unhappy teams are the most unproductive.

There are 8 biggest symptoms of poor emotional intelligence as a leader. Work through this list, and note how frequently you find yourself doing each of these behaviors.

1. Treating people badly⁠ (i.e. not saying thank you, not showing respect, being short-tempered or easily angered when someone makes a mistake).
2. Not taking responsibility when you have made a mistake or something hasn’t turned out the way you had hoped.
3. Breaking your own rules for your team (i.e. checking social media at work, arriving to meetings late, lacking commitment to complete tasks).
4. Multitasking to a level that it has become a detriment and the quality of your work is slipping.
5. Not telling people the ‘why’ or the ‘big picture’ behind tasks.
6. Focussing on one particular goal or deadline and pushing the team so hard that you have forgotten the people behind.
7. Giving inconsistent direction.
8. Communicating with your team poorly (or not at all).

Identify three of these behaviors that you struggle with the most, and commit to fixing them over the next few months.

Like other skills, emotional intelligence is a skillset you can learn and will make you a better leader and could even make you a better person – you just need to dedicate some time to learning new methods and techniques to help you better identify, understand, and control your emotions.

Want to improve your other skill areas?

• Improve Your People Skills
• Improve Your Body Language
• Improve Your Leadership Skills

What is the Difference Between IQ and EQ?

If emotional intelligence is a type of intelligence, how does it differ from the mental type? In part, by how it’s measured. One’s intelligence quotient (IQ) is a score derived from standardized tests designed to measure intelligence. Your IQ relates directly to your intellectual abilities, like how well you learn as well as understand and apply information. People with higher IQs can think abstractly and make mental connections more easily.

Emotional intelligence is very different. Sometimes called EI (for Emotional Intelligence) or EQ (for Emotional Intelligence Quotient), emotional intelligence is like using emotions to think and enhance our reasoning. Those with high emotional intelligence are able to manage their emotions as well as use their emotions to facilitate their thinking and understand the emotions of others. 

What Is Emotional Intelligence?

Emotional intelligence (EI) is the skill, capacity, or ability to identify, assess, and control the emotions of oneself, of others, and of groups. It’s a broad time, and describes a combination of different skills, including being able to ready body language, introspection and reflection, and effective communication (both to others, and yourself).

Psychologist Daniel Goleman identified five components that make up emotional intelligence:

2. Self-regulation

Once a person has identified an emotion they are having, they have to learn to control it or make decisions based on it. Self-management is the ability to use intuition or gut feeling to guide decisions based on their emotions. For young people especially, it involves controlling one’s emotions and impulses and adapting to changing circumstances of their environment.

3. Motivation

A passion for what you do is far better for your emotional intelligence. This leads to sustained motivation, clear decision making and a better understating of the organisation’s aims. Being driven by only money or material rewards is not a beneficial characteristic, according to Goleman.

4. Empathy

Not only must you understand your own emotions, but understanding and reacting to the emotions of others is also important. Identifying a certain mood or emotion in a colleague or client and reacting to it can go a long way in positively developing your relationship.

5. Social skills

This is the ability to sense, understand, and react to others’ emotions while comprehending social status, standing and where you are in your social network of people. Actually, teens are quite good at this because social hierarchy often matters the most in High School. The key is tying their heightened social intelligence to their self-awareness and then making positive relationship management decisions. Goleman describes them as “friendliness with a purpose”, meaning everyone is treated politely and with respect, yet healthy relationships are then also used for personal and organisational benefit.

I’d like to add one more to Goleman’s list, which is one of the principles I teach in one of my talks.

Relationship Management: This is the ability to inspire, influence, and develop others while successfully avoiding or managing conflict. This is an essential part of emotional intelligence for us in incidents with bullying or issues with bosses. We have to be able to effectively handle problems without creating conflict.

Emotional Intelligence Skills

A high IQ is also something we tend to be born with while emotional intelligence is something we can work to improve. To a large degree, our emotional intelligence starts in childhood with how we’re raised, but as adults, we can take steps to get emotionally “smarter.” Justin Bariso, author of EQ, Applied: A Real-World Approach to Emotional Intelligence, offers seven ways to improve emotional intelligence in an article written for Inc: 

• Reflect on your emotions. This is where self-awareness begins. To grow in emotional intelligence, think about your own emotions and how you typically react to negative situations, whether they involve a co-worker, family member or stranger. When you’re more aware of your emotions and typical reactions, you can start to control them. 
• Ask for perspective. What we perceive to be reality is often quite different from what those around us are seeing. Start getting input from others to understand how you come across in emotionally charged situations. 
• Observe. Once you’ve increased your self-awareness and you understand how you’re coming across, pay more attention to your emotions. 
• Pause for a moment. Stop and think before you act or speak. It’s hard to do, but keep working at it and it will become a habit.
• Become more empathetic by understanding the “why.” Try to understand the “why” behind another person’s feelings or emotions. 
• Choose to learn from criticism. Who likes criticism? Possibly no one. But it’s inevitable. When we choose to learn from criticism rather than simply defend our behaviors, we can grow in emotional intelligence.
• Practice, practice, practice. Becoming more emotionally intelligent won’t happen overnight, but it can happen—with effort, patience, and a lot of practice. 

We live in an age when we can earn a certification in any number of topics to boost our careers, thanks to technology, but sadly we can’t earn one in emotional intelligence. That’s something we have to address as individuals, to recognize it as important, choose to improve it and continue to work on it—probably for the rest of our lives. But the payoffs are worth it as we become better employees, better spouses, and all-around better people. 

What Is Emotional Intelligence?

Emotional intelligence (EI) refers to the ability to perceive, control, and evaluate emotions. Some researchers suggest that emotional intelligence can be learned and strengthened, while others claim it’s an inborn characteristic.

The ability to express and control emotions is essential, but so is the ability to understand, interpret, and respond to the emotions of others. Imagine a world in which you could not understand when a friend was feeling sad or when a co-worker was angry. Psychologists refer to this ability as emotional intelligence, and some experts even suggest that it can be more important than IQ in your overall success in life.

How to Use

Emotional intelligence can be used in many different ways in your daily life. Some different ways to practice emotional intelligence include:

• Being able to accept criticism and responsibility
• Being able to move on after making a mistake
• Being able to say no when you need to
• Being able to share your feelings with others
• Being able to solve problems in ways that work for everyone
• Having empathy for other people
• Having great listening skills
• Knowing why you do the things you do
• Not being judgemental of others

Emotional intelligence is essential for good interpersonal communication. Some experts believe that this ability is more important in determining life success than IQ alone. Fortunately, there are things that you can do to strengthen your own social and emotional intelligence.

Understanding emotions can be the key to better relationships, improved well-being, and stronger communication skills. 

Practise reflecting on your emotions

Does that sound familiar?

If you have had a bad day at work you find yourself scrolling through your Facebook newsfeed for a few hours, you might have already realised you have a problem facing your emotions. When we use vices like technology (or alcohol or other damaging behaviours) to cope with our stresses, we never find out the root cause of our unhappiness uncomfort. Instead, we need to shift our attention into activities that allow us to reflect.

Here are some ideas (you can also search for other great mindfulness activities elsewhere online), but by no means an exhaustive list.

• Yoga
• Meditation
• Setting aside regular ‘tech down’ time
• Colouring
• Crafting (knitting is particularly therapeutic)
• Walks in nature (without your iPod)

It’s important to note here that extroverts and introverts (and ambiverts) tend to deal with emotions differently, so find what works for you and your personality type.

Whatever activities you choose to reflect on your emotions, they should be quiet and away from technology. This will give your brain the time and space it needs to tick over and process your emotions.

Impact of Emotional Intelligence

Interest in teaching and learning social and emotional intelligence has grown in recent years. Social and emotional learning (SEL) programs have become a standard part of the curriculum for many schools.

The goal of these initiatives is not only to improve health and well-being but also to help students succeed academically and prevent bullying. There are many examples of how emotional intelligence can play a role in daily life.

Thinking Before Reacting

Emotionally intelligent people know that emotions can be powerful, but also temporary. When a highly charged emotional event happens, such as becoming angry with a co-worker, the emotionally intelligent response would be to take some time before responding. This allows everyone to calm their emotions and think more rationally about all the factors surrounding the argument.

Greater Self-Awareness

Emotionally intelligent people are not only good at thinking about how other people might feel but they are also adept at understanding their own feelings. Self-awareness allows people to consider the many different factors that contribute to their emotions.

Empathy for Others

A large part of emotional intelligence is being able to think about and empathize with how other people are feeling. This often involves considering how you would respond if you were in the same situation.

People who have strong emotional intelligence are able to consider the perspectives, experiences, and emotions of other people and use this information to explain why people behave the way that they do.

Упражнения для развития

Есть несколько упражнений, которые помогут это сделать.

«Лишних» эмоций у человека нет. Иногда нам нужны и гнев, и грусть. Эволюционно эмоции играют для человека хорошую роль даже те, которые мы считаем «плохими». Это страх научил нас избегать опасности. Но его патологические формы могут отравлять человеку жизнь

Именно поэтому так важно научиться распознавать эмоции и уметь их контролировать

Идентификация эмоций

Испытывая сильную эмоцию попробуйте:

1. Идентифицировать ее. Что вы сейчас испытываете? Гнев или грусть? Какое у вас выражение лица? Попробуйте описать свои чувства и физическое состояние.
2. После чего наступила эта эмоция? О чем вы думали в этот момент?
3. Как можно использовать эту эмоцию во благо? Может, гнев станет стимулом к преодолению трудностей или возможностью в корне изменить свою жизнь? Как вы будете использовать этот ресурс?

«Чем я могу помочь?»

Попробуйте улучшить навыки эмпатии и в спорных ситуациях уточняйте у людей (если это позволяет ваша степень знакомства и родства): «ты сейчас расстроен? Я могу помочь?», «ты сердишься на меня?». Прямой вопрос поможет улучшить навыки понимания эмоций других людей, если они готовы отвечать открыто. Это в любом случае станет ценным опытом.

Фильмы без звука

Включите людей художественный фильм и попробуйте смотреть его без звука и субтитров, определяя по мимике героев, что происходит на экране, о чем они могут вести свой диалог. Пересмотрите те же сцены со звуком, чтобы запомнить, какой была мимика влюбленных, расстроенных, раздраженных людей.

Контроль гнева

Особенно важно научиться отслеживать и контролировать свой гнев. В этом случае стоит обратиться за профессиональной помощью, особенно, если от проявлений вашего гнева страдают другие люди

Первый шаг это проговаривать свои эмоции вслух «я сейчас рассержен, мне очень плохо, я чувствую напряжение, мне некомфортно». Эмоции надо направлять, а не подавлять. И направлять в мирное русло.

Если проблемы с эмоциональным интеллектом действительно серьезны и снижают качество жизни человека, стоит обратиться за помощью к психологу.

• Депрессии осенние, депрессии христианские, депрессии без причины
• Психотерапевт Сергей Белорусов: Депрессией обычно болеют хорошие люди

How Emotional Intelligence Is Measured

A number of different assessments have emerged to measure levels of emotional intelligence. Such tests generally fall into one of two types: self-report tests and ability tests.

Self-report tests are the most common because they are the easiest to administer and score. On such tests, respondents respond to questions or statements by rating their own behaviors. For example, on a statement such as «I often feel that I understand how others are feeling,» a test-taker might describe the statement as disagree, somewhat disagree, agree, or strongly agree.

Ability tests, on the other hand, involve having people respond to situations and then assessing their skills. Such tests often require people to demonstrate their abilities, which are then rated by a third party.

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